Sex life? What sex
life? You’re a parent and life is so
busy that you barely have time to think about your own needs, let alone do
anything about meeting them. It can seem
like your own needs don’t matter, it’s the children that have top priority and
you have to do whatever it takes to look after them. Don’t be fooled, your needs are important and
neglecting them isn’t good for anyone, not you, not your partner and definitely
not your children. Sure you can’t do all
the things you did before children, life has changed and pleasure comes in different
ways. But you are still an adult with
adult needs and for you to feel fulfilled they need to be met.
So how do you find time and energy for sex when there are so
many other things demanding your attention?
It takes a bit more planning and effort than in the past but you need to
tell yourself that it can happen and it is definitely worth it.
What if you don’t want anyone touching you after having
children crawling all over you all day?
Some people have a quotient for the amount of physical contact they need
and can comfortably accommodate in a day.
But if you think about it children touch you differently to how your
partner touches you and for the most part, it’s all take.
So how do you have more sex?
Okay, how do you have any sex?
1. Make it a priority and it will happen. Feeding the children quickly becomes a
priority when you have nagging children at your feet. Make your desires like that and don’t let up
until you have got what you need.
2. Find a time that works.
It may be early in the morning before the children wake up, it may be
immediately after they’ve gone to bed ignoring the dishes and the washing and
cleaning up, it may be during the day while the kids are watching a video. You have to make time for each other.
3. Do some things that make you think about sex. It can be hard to switch your brain from
babyland to sex so you may need a little help.
Watch a sexy movie, read erotic fiction together, write your partner a
sexy note, think back to a time when you had great sex (c’mon you can do that,
it can’t be that long, surely, you have children afterall!), relive how good it
felt.
4. Take a shower together.
There is something about getting naked and wet together that can be very
erotic.
5. Expect interruptions and don’t be put off. OK you start kissing and you hear a baby
cry. You try to ignore it but you
can’t. So you go off and tend to them
and then think the moment is gone. But
it isn’t. And if it is then get it back
by viewing the interruption as a diversion which has increased your appetite
for sex not soured it.
6. Don’t wait until you get into bed to initiate sex. When you’ve been together awhile it’s easy to
fall into habits, like falling into a deep sleep as soon as your head touches
the pillow, and sometimes it’s those habits that you need to break in order to
kickstart your sex life. Sex can happen
anywhere so make use of the spaces you have.
7. And the most important thing you need to do – don’t give
up! You can find a way to make it
happen. Know that your needs are
important and you will function better when they’ve been met.